grrlbomb

i annoy myself sooo much.
i am home and working on a stupid (not really but, yea) paper thats due when i get back to montreal. the ridiculous thing is that because i procrastinate sooo badly (ie waste time checking/emailing/myspacing) that it takes me hours to write one single spaced page!!
ahhh
in other news, nep-tunes tomorrow night for classified.
montreal on wednesday! toot toot! i'm pumped to go back and show my parents my new apt, start classes, and ironically since i should have been doing this (and i have to some extent) partying, and seeing shows again. the mountain!
i need to disconnet the internet now.

welcome to the days of freezing cold so that the woolen socks can stay on for 24 hours at a time. and yet the leaves are still on many trees.
i might as well make note here too that i have never in my life worked so hard/much on schoolwork. i don't believe staying up past midnight reading/studying was ever a part of my routine prior to this year.

i've discovered a new trick for enabling concentration to applied thoroughly to essay writing (and studying too... but that will be next week). its called ear plugs. i just feel ridiculous sitting in front of the computer and books unable to hear any thing other than my own breathing, and wasting time clicking "refresh" on the weather network, email inbox, and "random article" on wikipedia.
oh the joys of being a student. fucking privilege to perfect the art of procrastination, no?
and to the women out there, fiona apple = amazing for heartache of any sort. she articulates the hurt and the ability to stand back up like no one else. ya huh.

oh my
about 5 min before i leave for lake placid...!
and i just bought my most $$$ purchase for myself yet... but its soo pretty and i'm going to start putting it to good use starting tomorrow in the adirondacks! a canon sd600 camera. yessss. i started taking some serious (actually thinking about composition, lighting etc etc) photos when i was home. tomorrow the fall colors should be at their wettest and shiniest.
got to go...

So, I'm back in SJ... It's great to be here. I'm chilling with the fam, and enjoying my bed too much. It's a double and I'm used to a single in Montreal. It's wierd to be here and be getting excited for life in Montreal, but I can't help it. I can't wait to fix up my new room in my new apt. I've decided on a blue/brown/off-white color scheme. I'm going to graduate to a bed inbetween the size of a single and double, that's actually got a frame, and is thus off the floor. Perfect for sleepovers, spreading out, and for storage underneath. Dad has this old wardrobe in the garage basement, which smells definitely of grease (but I kind of like it, it reminds me of biking and fixing my bike all winter, and of growing up playing on the lawn and making random things in the garage in summer days being a kid). I have to empty it out of all the tools and random things this afternoon. That, and this old poster I found in my dad's old room for an atlantic folk festival. I think I just like that the majority of my stuff is new to me, but is all stuff with a story/2nd hand/old looking in a cool way. Hahah, I look like I'm obessed with stuff/material items. I'm not, but I've never really moved into my own new place.

this might have the potential....
as i just really needed to say that buckleys really DOES work. only now i think they flavour it a bit with balsam or something. it definitely tastes like trees. mmm mm.

just spent two of the best days yet of the summer on this farm in the western part of the island. it was so great. and so damn quiet at night, it was heavenly. i picked argula, planted herbs, and boxed veggies for the CSA baskets that were picked up yesterday. it was a perfect setting to think more about food and food production, as although it was a small scale organic farm (feeding around 180 families), we were using ground up chicken feathers as a fertilizer to fix the nitrogen levels in the herb garden, and this I definitely have qualms about... next stop is to this natural farm i know of in rigaud, where i dont *think* they are using products like that.

gotta jet to the lib for a book on the history of meat! and then to the jazz fest to see bonnie raitt!@
muah

im disgustingly ridden with a summer cold- cough, snot, fatigue and all. mmmmm. i think i've eaten about 3 cloves of garlic already today. infact i think i had garlic for breakfast! if this doesn't help... i don't know what will. brutal timing though, as i was planning on leaving early tomorrow AM to work on this organic farm just outside of monteal. i still might, i'll have to see how im feeling later.
i just spoke with a prof that i'll be doing an independant reading class with in september. i didn't really know what to expect calling him, he's a very typical history prof, sort of awkward and anti-technology (like email...). but it went well. and now i need to nap so that i can hit up some jazz fest festivities tonight and leave tomorrow morning.

so, after a pretty damn unsuccessful day of 2nd hand shopping for a dress yesterday, a successful nose piercing, we arrived back at the co-op to ponder plans for the evening and found out there was a car going to qc city for la fete nationale (the real one here in quebec). had no idea what to expect, but jumped into the car (toot free ride!) regardless. holy fucking shit... probably somewhere around 100,000 people gathered in one area to see les cowboys frignants (who rocked the night). i kept expecting to see people that i knew from high school, just because it reminded me so much of those random high school party nights where people are gathered on a beach or lawn or field to get drunk and scream, girls tripping all over the ground and guys high fiving over... something. garbage was everywhere, dudes pissing in random bushes on the side of the road, the cops weren`t even trying to do shit. watched the sun come up over the st lawrence and shivered in that early-morning-i-haven`t-been-to-sleep-yet way on a bench, chatting in french.
i think i still need to doze a little and the roof seems like an alright place to curl up with a book, a mat and a little bit of sunblock.
i also think my first ever celebration as a qc resident for st jean has started off alright. afterall, today is the real fete!

so its been raining for a week straight, or more, and there is yet more to come according to the weathernetwork. BOO on that shit.

Part 1: The Birth of You

Were you a planned baby? Yep
Were you the first? No
Who was present at your birth? My parents, me...
Were your parents married when you were born? Yah
What is your birthdate? April 3rd, 1986

Part 2: The Family

How would you describe your family? tight-knit, progressive, opinionated, mostly veg!
Are your parents married? Divorced? Seperated? Married
Siblings or an only child? One brother, one sister
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest? middle!
What are your siblings names and ages? Alex- 22, Hugo- 18
Which parent do you get along with best? I get along well with both, but my mom and I are definitley closest.
What do you fight about? Sometimes politics, housework and careers (for me, ha)
Do you have step parents? nope

Part 3: The Friends

Do you have more than one best friend? Hmmm, yes!
What do you like to do when you are together? cook and eat, eat, eat! talk about animal rights, boys, and politics, sing along to fav songs, see shows.
Do you share the same interests? Sure do
Which friend can you tell anything to? Most of em.

Part 4: Your Personality

How high/low is your self esteem? it fluctuates. right now, pretty damn good! definitely subject to times of the year/exposure to unrealistic body images presented by media!!
Do you get depressed about things easily? Hmm, sometimes.
Are you happy? I am, especially with the end of school, beginning of summer, and not having to job search for a crap summer job.

Part 5: Appearance

Are you comfortable with the way you look? Yah.
Do you have any piercings besides your ears? hehe.
Describe your hair: curly, brown (but apparently "presents itself" as red?!), and in a short BOB. haha, I love that word.

Part 6: The Past

Were you a strange child? Yea, probably!
What did you used to love that you no longer do? draw angsty pictures.
Do you have the same friends? Well, I'd have to say there are a core group of people that are definitely still in and out of my life, and we can always pick up like no time has passed (wihc is AWESOME!), and I also have made some pretty rad friends here too.

Part 7: The Future

What is your ambition? To have a little country house and garden ALL my food, to educate others about food and agriculture's past and present stories, to write.
Are you scared of growing old? whats old? I guess to be like, 90 years old- yes! But otherwise no...
Do you want to get married? I don't know, I don't think so.

Part 8: The Outdoors

Do you prefer indoors or outdoors? outdoors, outdoors, outdoors.
What is your favorite season? summer, spring and fall.
Weather? Sunny, hot hot hot.
Do you like walking in the rain? I like running/jogging in the rain. Biking in the rain is good if its on my way BACK from work.

Part 9: Food

Are you a vegetarian? vegan. although for the past while I've been doing this raw food thing...
What food makes you want to gag? meat, papaya (wierd huh?)
What is your favorite dessert? veg. chocolate cheesecake in the past, but right now it is: frozen banana, coconut/pineapple juice, soymilk and peanut butter smoothie. MMMMMMM to the max. I made the recipe up.

killing time until right to move, concordia's bike co-op, opens at 6pm. i've been done class since 11:30, and relatively productive since that time, but now I really just want to be doing up the finishing touches on my beautiful white bike, to get mself home on. i've gotta hook up the brake cable, add some air to a tire, and voila! its been a long time coming.
i just realised last week that with a ridiculous week and a half off between end of class and my first exam- i am going HOME. sweet! im so excited, even to sit my ass down in a bus seat for 14 hours. it shouldn't be so terrible since i'll have company for once, my roomie/friend is going to come with and visit nb and stay with me.
last night i had dinner at my boss's house, with his partner and adorable little girl. it was really nice to hang out with a family in montreal. sometimes i think that might be what im missing so much here, even though the co-op is like a big family, its a bit unique, to say the least. maybe im more "meat and potatoes" than i thought about these things.
it blows my mind school is done within a months time.
summer: so goddamn excited:
-making $$
-ecuador ?
-TAN-NEE NG!
-bike trips x as many as possible
-shows, walking/biking home tipsy
-pints in the parc on a blanket

aside from not having updated in about a million years, and having caught the flu two days ago (where the fuck is my vegan immunity card) i'm doing well. life is insanely busy, and so maybe i needed to take an imposed time out mid week. i want to recommend ronald wright's "a short history of progress", it is incredible.
reading is a good way to pass sick time, that and trying to figure out summer plans which is both exciting and confusing- i've got to learn how to balance the perpetual desire to go home for 1-2 weeks with work and also a probably internship working on a farm.
last night i made the best meal ever with a roomie and a friend- wheat gluten flavoured wheat nuggets, a beautiful green spinach with fake feta salad, couscous and spiced roasted veggies, mmmmm topped off with a chocolate almond "cheese" cake. fack.
i guess thats all i gotta say.

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life:
1. worker at la co-operative maison-verte
2. swimming teacher
3. "information counsellor" at saint john tourism
4. usher at harbour station
Four Movies you Could Watch Over and Over Again:
1. waking life
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3. frida
4. ...
Four Places You've Lived:
1. west side, saint john, NB
2. co-op sur genereux
3. .....
4. .........
Four TV Shows You Love to Watch:
1. CSI
2. The OC (haha- yes.)
3.
4. this is where i will admit that i don't own a tv
Four Places You've Been On Vacation:
1. Los Angeles
2. Riviere du Loup, QC
3. PEI
4. Cuba
Four Blogs You Visit Daily:
1. Livejournal
2.
3.
4.
Four of Your Favorite Foods:
1. chocolate
2. pad thai
3. sushi
4. soy ice cream
Four Places You'd Rather Be:
1. anywhere in latin america, but especially chile, or bolivia
2. Thailand
3. home in New Brunswick
4. anywhere hot really.
Four Vehicles You've Owned:
1: ...
2: ...
3: ...
4. ...
Four People to Be Tagged:
1. everyones done this already...?
2. Janet!
3.
4.

I just cleaned my room, chatted with roomies, and broke out the hot water bottle for the first night of the cold season. It is currently heating up my bed, while I wait and type this. haha. This is my second night back in Montreal, I hope tomorrow that I don't wake as disoriented as I did this morning: confused and time-paniked. So far I am really glad to be back here, although I did suffer from a bit of homesickness yesterday afternoon, walking around from class to class, dazed like mad after 15 hours on the train.
It's funny, because I always used to feel super confined by winter in Montreal- not having the freedom of biking anywhere and everywhere, and being on time and not dependent on public transport schedules. After a week and a half, however, dependent upon my parent's car, or getting drives, the buses and metros seem blissful. We shall see how long this lasts.

i was looking at the reflections composed by sliding subway cars
and then climbing metro stairs to start
tucking my chin to my chest, meeting eyes this way
also iced from the bitter winter winds,
smiling at each other despite mouths
lost in scarves
while feeling like the frozen, white
mountain today-
when i ran into you-
seriously, for it was in that moment
that i was looking at my legwarmers,
my shoes stepping on the salted sidewalk
and then into your solid body, surprising
twice- once for the impact, second seeing it was
your startled look i caused
And it was a good moment of events
and coincidences, colliding
A good moment to be alive
in the winter days that have just arrived
so short and yet so long
'cause sometimes the night feels like
forever and that the sun in May
is too far off to tell if that's your face,
across the matress
that i'm seeing, or if i'm just dreaming
about sliding, image-making subway cars,
again.

Brrr, its fucking freezing in the computer lab at school. Here I feel like a little paper machine, sitting next to 30 other paper writing machines, pumping out synthesized opinions backed with reputable expert opinions from those of the field. Oh well.
Its been a trip, this week, getting to school. Yesterday was the first real sort of snowstorm, landing 5 cm of snow onto the ground, and apparently royally messing up the bus schedule. The Sherbrooke bus didn’t come for about 20 minutes after it was scheduled, and when it did pull up, it was completely jam packed with people. By that time class was in 5, so I started to walk, stuck out my thumb and in 4 minutes a girl and her mom on their way to McGill were giving me a lift to Roddick Gates. It was fun, adding that extra element of adventure to my day.
Today- today I accepted the fact that I lost half a pair of mittens, before winter has even really started, and I bought some not so classy but uber warm and dry mitts that will be perfect for biking. Because I am going to make at least a good effort at biking throughout the winter, and I did today. It was good, with a friend, despite being bitterly cold, and kinda scary at times.
Home in 20 days!

I'm in a terribly anti-social mood. Avoiding the common space at all costs, I just can't handle more than one on one interaction right now, I don't think for any particular reason.

It's snowed in earnest today. All wet on the ground, of course. I have this new hat to battle winter with though, its multi-colored thread of reds, pinks, purples, yellow, and big to fit over my hair and be floppy.

I think, even though after my exam my thoughts were running opposite of this, I will actually study again tonight, but at a cafe. My exam was brilliant, I think I made an A, for sure, or A-, minimum.

I've decided that I need to stop this running away mentality, that is sort of embodied in my desire to study in Glasgow next year. I'm building networks, putting down roots, and connecting with people here, I don't want to put all that on hold or pause for a year. And, I think in a way it well help ground me further to figure out what the fuck I can concretely *do* with my life. I've got some ideas...

This summer though, I think I *will* go to Chicoutimi to study french. Becoming pretty damn bilengual is high on my list of long term to do's.

One year later, and everything’s still so weird, so confusing.

Today has been framed so oddly. I’ve had so many disjointed hours of sleep. I feel properly time fucked. I suppose its fine, as I was going to be logging lots of study and paper writing hours at later times than usual. I spent the weekend in Ann Arbor, at a conference for co-ops in North America. It was wicked fun, and very inspiring. Since Thursday, however, I haven’t had much sleep, and I got home this morning at 6:30am.
The best part of the journey home was being on the bridge, between the US and Canada, having a mini-rave in the van, watching the other drivers around us laugh, and then getting all artsy fartsy with my camera, the dark and the rearview mirror.
My computer is utterly fucked, so I am at school writing a paper, and I’m making pretty good progress. There’s something about being sleep deprived that allows for a certain amount of unrestrained creative/idea flow.

My room, when I walk in, is chilly, but smells distinctly like fresh laundry. I just bought linden smelling laundry (liquid, oh what a difference) soap from my work. Hm, never thought I could get quite so excited about *laundry soap*. I must tell my mom.
It's been such a chill day, thank god. Yesterday I booked a 15 hour day, including a midterm and a four hour meeting. It was good, but long. This morning I kicked off with a sesh at the buanderie (aka laundrymat), home, a nap to Sarah Harmer and then commenced up e-mail replies and my chore.

biggest turn off ever: meat.